Of course, Adams (quoting the Guide) goes on to explain more about how throwing yourself at the ground is easy, but knowing exactly how one needs to go about missing the ground can be a little tricky. But I won’t pursue that, because it has nothing whatever to do with the reason I’ve brought it up at all. Besides, what on earth does this have to do with midlife or a spiritual crisis? What’s so extremely valuable about this somewhat unusual approach to flying is that it’s so silly that it’s incredibly insightful. Once again, our whole approach to something like flying is defined and pretty much wholly decided by the bucket of assumptions that we bring to it. That’s why I need to tell you that the decision that you (and many other people) may have made to reinvent yourself at midlife is exactly like the decision to learn to fly: until you empty your bucket of assumptions, you’ll keep falling flat on your face. Sound familiar? You throw yourself at the ground, but you keep not missing! You’ll need to follow me closely now: this silliness is going somewhere . . .

You may still think that, when circumstances change drastically (like they do at midlife), reinventing yourself would seem to be a very wise thing to do. I say ‘seem to be’ because that’s all based on your set of assumptions. You assume that it’s possible to ‘reinvent’ yourself, and you further assume that you know how to do it. Interestingly enough, it isn’t, and you don’t. You are the product of the sum total of your genetic makeup plus your defining experiences as determined by a lifetime of choices you made either in response to changes in your environment or in an effort to change your environment. Your life is a continuum. You may change your mind; you may change your direction; but, you’re not going to ‘reinvent’ the person that you’ve become anymore than you can ‘reinvent’ your genetic code.

Now that you’re beginning to see the problem (and being sensible isn’t working all that well), it’s time to bring on the silliness! Instead of focusing more of your time and energy on an impossibility that won’t work, why not throw out your assumptions entirely, and re-define the problem into one that will work? Specifically, in the same way as Douglas Adams redefined the problem with light from one of how to leave the ground to one of how to avoid hitting it. So, perhaps the spiritual answer to the midlife crisis is less about reinventing yourself in response to the world, and more about reinventing the world that you’re an integral part of. Let me just say that reinventing your world is a whole lot easier than missing the ground, once you’ve thrown yourself at it.

Where to start? Traditional Chinese medicine teaches that one should begin treating a problem in as remote a spot from the problem as possible. We can do the same, and, since the ‘problem’ is you, we’ll start as far removed from you as we can: with your job or career. Rather than start with the question, “How can I become a raging success in my chosen field?” you can start by telling yourself: “This is not a dress rehearsal. This is the only life I’ve got. What do I want to do with it . . . rather, what do I need to do with it?” At midlife, it’s time to take true ownership of your life. You’re not being controlled by your parents, your upbringing, your religion, your politics, or anything else outside of yourself. At midlife, it’s time to stop making excuses for why you aren’t the person you’d really like to be, and start doing something about it.

This is called ‘goal setting’ and I assume that, over the years, you’ve already heard a lot about it. If you’ve not only heard of goal-setting, but listened to what people have been telling you, then you have a very clear, distinct, and detailed vision of the life that you want to live, and you’ve banished the words “I should” “I’ve got to” “I have to” “I need to” from your vocabulary, and you’ve replaced them all with “I want to.” You’ve also succeeded in replacing the phony buck-passing phrase “I can’t” with the true self-aligned one: “I won’t.”  Finally, you already know whether or not your current job or career is healthy and serves to promote your life vision, or it’s unhealthy and keeping you stuck and away from becoming the person you truly desire to be and, right now, you’re implementing a plan to change it.

German existentialist philosopher Martin Heidegger defined human life as “being-in-the-world with others.” At midlife, perhaps more than at any other time, we have the opportunity to experience what he meant. ‘Others’ are not optional equipment to make use of for our own purposes. Once again, with all our relationships, spirituality challenges us to empty out our assumptions about who these people are, why they’re in our lives, and what purpose they may serve for us.

The people with whom you share an intimacy are a constitutive part of what life means for you. Whether or not you have an explicit relationship with another, you can’t just throw any of them away (no matter how tempting it may be). Each one you encounter is essential to your own human existence — not only because you rely on them for what they can provide for you or do for you — because each person you meet has something essential to tell you about who you are. This is even more true when your encounters gain intimacy. Dating, they say, is your opportunity to learn about yourself. A relationship is a 24/7 date. By reinventing how you look at the people in your life (from seeing them as obstacles or benefits to you, to seeing them as the only mirrors you have that show you who you really are), you suddenly no longer want them to change. You need them to stay as they are, because only then do you recognize that what you dislike most about anything you see in them is only your own reflection.

Finally, and most importantly — the most intimate relationship you have — your relationship with yourself. Here’s where the spiritual ‘rubber meets the road.’ For most people, adolescence and adulthood are both characterized by the assuming and shouldering of responsibilities as they go about the work of self-actualization. The focus is generally on creating a safe and secure life for ‘me and mine.’ It’s a period of acquisition and immersion into the struggle to hold on to what they’ve got, even as ‘what they’ve got’ grows and the struggle intensifies.

Regardless of the cause, at midlife, the curtain gets pulled back only to reveal the emptiness and purposelessness of a life lived for acquisition and self-aggrandizement. Whoever dies with the most toys wins . . . the booby prize. In whatever form it takes — physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or economic — life’s vagaries always intrude on the neat little plans you and I may have been making only to show us the vanity of the exclusive pursuit of health, wealth, safety and security. If youth and adulthood are all about acquisition, then midlife and maturity are all about letting go, and that’s a much more difficult lesson to learn. The meaning of your life can never be defined by your career, your relationships, or your accomplishments. Instead, on a spiritual level, the meaning of life comes from the courage you can muster to face your challenges relying not on anything external, but solely on the strength that comes from your connection to a Power greater than yourself to get you through.

The universe provides each of us with a series of life lessons. Regardless of what they may look like on the surface, they all teach only one thing: whatever it is that you choose to rely on that is not God, will be taken away. At midlife, the training wheels come off and the props are knocked away. You are left standing there with only your acceptance of life on life’s terms and your trust in God to support and guide you. If youth is the age for heroics, then midlife is the age for courage, since by now, experience has taught you what it feels like to play hard at the game of life and to lose.  The trick is to stay engaged no matter what else happens.

Those who, at midlife, try to reinvent themselves will undoubtedly experience frustration and futility. “No matter where you go,” they say, “there you are.” But those who, instead, work at reinventing their world will experience a life they could only have imagined. The lessons of life are unrelenting. If you choose to avoid failure at all cost, it will surely cost you dear and all to no avail. It’s all so very silly. Learning how to live with spiritual courage is a lot like learning how to fly: it’s so simple! All you really need to do is to throw yourself at failure . . . and miss!

H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2010 H. Les Brown

______
*Douglas Adams, The More than Complete Hitchhiker’s Guide, Longmeadow Press, Connecticut, 1991, page 363.

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Must couples in trouble necessarily fail? No, not necessarily: no healthy couple is doomed to failure. In fact, the only ‘doomed’ relationships are those where one or both partners are unapologetically physically or emotionally abusive . Without a doubt, the only realistic option for someone who finds her- or himself in a fundamentally abusive or exploitative relationship is to exit immediately. Apart from that, I believe that many (if not all) relationships “on the rocks” could be healed under the right circumstances. From my perspective, the fact that this healing so often fails to take place could be an indication that one or both of the partners have stopped listening. Additionally, ceasing to listen indicates a spiritual problem. Let me explain.

It would seem that the  person who hears another’s voice, but is no longer committed to listening to what the other has to say has given up on her or his partner, as well as their relationship together. If you look more closely, however, it soon becomes clear that the person has actually given up on him- or herself. Empathetic listening and appreciative inquiry represent a three-fold choice: 1) to accept the other, 2) to trust the other, and 3) to engage with the other. Closing off the lines of communication also represents a choice: to cease accepting, trusting and engaging with one’s partner. Before I relate this to fundamental spiritual principles, let’s look briefly at each choice.

The choice to accept another human being is foundational. True acceptance represents a fundamental option to see in the other person another self, with exactly the same sorts of strengths and weaknesses that we ourselves possess. This choice to acknowledge the other person as another self  has two destructive opposites. The first perversion of acceptance we call ‘exploitation‘. Philosopher Martin Buber contrasts these approaches with the terms I-Thou (for true acceptance of the other), and I-It (for exploitation). To see your partner merely in terms of his or her usefulness (like a tool or a piece of furniture) or her or his capacity to satisfy you represents a fundamental denial of humanity on your part. The second perversion of the choice to accept your partner shows itself as conditional acceptance. In brief, “I’ll accept you if you do such-and-such or so-and-so.” Conditional acceptance of another puts you in the position of being their judge, jury and executioner. In fact, it represents nothing less than your attempt to usurp the position in your partner’s life properly held by God alone.

Next, let’s look at the choice not to trust your partner. Why don’t you trust her or him? Because you’ve been hurt before? The refusal to trust your partner goes way beyond self-preservation. Once again, it is passing a judgment of condemnation on another person — another self — who exhibits the same sorts of faults and failings that you yourself exhibit. In fact, if the truth were known, the faults and failings that you find most easy to condemn and most difficult to forgive in others are the very ones that you exhibit most strongly yourself. In fact, the two keys that are absolutely essential to unlocking both acceptance and trust are these: first, to acknowledge an identical humanity in both yourself and the other, and, second, to commit yourself to the path of unconditional forgiveness. Who cannot look at the plight of even the most desperate of people around us and not be able truthfully to say, “There, but for the grace of God, go I?” The greatest message of Christianity — and also, I’m afraid,  its most forgotten and neglected — is simply this: unconditional, unlimited forgiveness. If you cannot forgive unconditionally, you cannot trust for very long.

The final choice is the choice to engage with your partner. If you refuse to engage with her or him, you thereby give credence to the (Jungian) ego’s false belief that you are vulnerable and need protection. It’s the same force that drives people’s frantic searching for that illusive (and illusory) ‘security’ that they believe will fix everything and protect them from danger. Once again, it would be foolish to put ourselves in harm’s way by engaging with an abusive partner. We owe it to ourselves and to them to take the necessary precautions so as not to allow ourselves to become victims of deliberate abuse. However, if you imagine that refusing to engage with your well-intentioned partner will grant you some sort of immunity from harm and from hurt, you are mistaken. Do you believe that spiritually you are invulnerable and that nothing outside of yourself — not even death — can destroy the essence of you? “Greater love has no one,” we have heard, “than to lay down his life for another.” Oddly, dieing for someone can actually be a whole lot easier than living for them.

Finally, what does the choice not to listen say about that person’s spiritual condition? The testimony it gives is nothing short of damning. Personally, I would liken it to what Christians refer to as the ‘sin against the Holy Spirit’ or the ‘unforgivable sin.’ Here’s what I mean. Whenever I write, I use the terms ‘acceptance,’  ‘trust’ and ‘engagement’ as  synonyms for what are called the ‘theological virtues’, namely: faith, hope , and love. The ‘sin’ against faith is the decision not to accept the will of God exactly as we encounter it in our world. The ‘sin’ against hope is the choice not to trust that our only Source of genuine security is divine providence. The ‘sin’ against love is the refusal to become meaningfully engaged with those we were sent to serve: our fellow creatures who, along with us, share the “image and likeness of God.” If the ‘sin against the Holy Spirit’ is a refusal to believe that the love of God is powerful enough to forgive us (and so we refuse to ask for forgiveness, and therefore refuse to accept it), then turning a deaf ear to someone we once claimed to love is a ‘sin against love’, for, as we know, the opposite of love is not hate, but deliberate indifference.

What can you do if you find yourself failing to listen? Remember the futility of protecting yourself. What can you protect yourself from? Even more importantly, what are you protecting yourself for? After all, your mission here in this world is not to try (futilely) to keep yourself safe. It’s to share with your fellows (and especially those in relationship with you) the same kind of acceptance, trust, and engagement that your God has shown to you. God hears his people’s cry . . . can you do any less?

And what about you who find yourself ‘learning to love one another’ and your words keep falling on deaf ears? You, too, have the opportunity to pass on the love of God. Your acceptance of the other can be renewed continually. Your trust of the other need never fail or fade. You may stand ever at the ready to engage. However, engagement (love) requires reciprocity. God does not condemn, so how could you? God does not constrain, either (because love can never be forced), but rather waits for all eternity for the other to emerge from his or her isolation and re-engage. You can have the willingness to re-engage, whether or not the other ever seeks it. You may never re-engage as you once did: time and the world goes on while the other chooses to isolate, stagnate, or (what’s worse) repeat the same self-defeating choices and behaviors with other partners. You, on the other hand, have the opportunity to accept and trust and engage with people at every stage and every condition of your life: people who, like you, have chosen to listen not only with their ears, but with their hearts.

H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2010 H. Les Brown

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I’m very fond of writing in my articles about the midlife transition. The term serves my purpose to separate the idea of change from one stage of life to the next (adulthood to maturity) from the popular conception of a midlife ‘crisis.’  Transition implies change, but it doesn’t necessarily mean traumatic change.  And yet, the word ‘transition’ is not the most accurate word that I can use to describe what’s happening. Midlife involves much less of a ‘transition’ than it does a transformation, and, regardless of how easily or well-done that transformation may be, it will necessarily involve dying a little bit and therefore, grief.  You don’t have to go through a crisis to feel pain, and you don’t have to suffer a tragedy to experience grief. Here’s how it works.

When we talk about a transition, we are referring to the way that we move from place to place or condition to condition or stage of life to stage of life. In that sense, midlife is certainly a ‘transition.’ It’s the time of life that we move from mere (self-interested) adulthood to full (self-possessed) maturity. However, midlife is much more. Just like in adolescence, midlife is a time of transformation. Transition implies a change of place; transformation refers to a change of being. When an entity changes in the sense of transformation, it has to leave behind part of what it was so that it can become something different. That’s exactly what people experience at midlife: when you transform into full maturity, you necessarily need to leave behind you huge chunks of yourself that made up the ‘adult.’ In that sense, you can never go home anymore (any more than, as an adult, you could go ‘home’ to childhood).

Although there are parallels between the transformation from child to adult and the one that takes you from adult to maturity, there are big differences, too. Childhood is a time of apprenticeship for life, and, by the time we reach the teenage years, we’re more than anxious to leave that stage behind to experience the full emancipation that comes with being an adult. At midlife, however, we enjoyed being an adult, and the benefits of maturity are often well-masked beneath the veneer of aging. People in our culture generally approach midlife with a sense of anxiety, at best. What we were anxious to leave behind in our transformation from child to adult, we’re not sure that we want to let go of, going from adult to maturity.

Consider the trap that awaits the adult on the verge of maturity. There are many things about adulthood that are wonderful: the physical strength and stamina, the sexual drive, the capacity to endure hardship and high stress with few obvious consequences, the thrill of new relationships, new commitments, new experiences, new opportunities, new challenges, all leading to a new sense of empowerment and self-esteem. What’s not to love about being an adult?

Now, contrast that with what the adult understands about maturity. She or he sees physical decline and fatigue, a blunted sex drive, the onset of chronic illness, stale relationships, breakups, boredom, an uncertain future, a sense of renewed dependence, all leading (it appears) to a sense of weakness and obsolescence. What’s not to dread about maturity?

Behold the mental and emotional trap! Although both adolescence and midlife involve a transformation that requires us to leave something behind, the losses involved in adolescence is masked with the opportunities to come, while the losses that come with midlife are heightened by our perception of the perceived decline that we will have to face. That’s why, at midlife, we begin to feel the pain that arises from a sense of acute loss. We grieve the losses of midlife in a way that we never grieved the losses of adolescence, although both changes involved a for us a little death. In fact, it’s only at midlife that most people really begin the process of grieving for the loss of childhood ‘innocence.’

I’ll repeat what I said before: every change — every transformation — involves a death, a loss, the consequent pain and entrance into the grieving process. Every time we lose a part of ourselves, a part that we loved and valued, we have to undergo the sometimes-painful process of letting it go and leaving it behind. Although these little ‘deaths’ are very necessary (they make room for whatever is yet to come), they exact a price.

That’s why it’s so important to begin the conscious entry into the midlife transformation by understanding and embracing your grief. As Elizabeth Kübler-Ross demonstrated, grief has five well-defined stages that each person passes through at his or her own speed. When we understand what’s happening to us during this transformation, it begins to make more sense and we gain the opportunity to work with the process rather than fighting it or denying it altogether. Only when we can appropriately grieve our perceived losses at midlife can we more clearly see the less obvious but extremely significant gains that maturity brings to us. For those of us on the other side of the ‘midlife divide,’ it seems that what had to die (and to be grieved) from adulthood was a small price indeed to pay for the spiritual, mental, and emotional gains we’ve made since moving into maturity.

Every change is a little death. Every death is followed by grief. All grief is a process of surrender that we must walk through to get to the other side. The surrender of what has been — and what might have been — to what is and what will be constitutes the essence of faith in a Power greater than ourselves that will unfailingly carry us through each ‘little death’ and into every new phase or dimension of our human existence. This ‘passover’ that we experience in big and little ways every day of our lives serves as our promise of constant renewal (at an ever-deeper level of our humanity), regardless of the apparent cost. The great Truth that midlife serves to teach each one of us who is open to listen and learn is that in our surrender of what was or might have been, we will find our hope for what will be.

H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2009 H. Les Brown

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Welcome to 'Midlife Crisis Plus': a life that's taking the concept of 'obstacles to success' to new levels. Sadly enough, you may or may not realize that all you need to do to find yourself inextricably embroiled in this chaos and drama is to do nothing. That's right: sitting back and hoping for the best — many a midlife guy's favorite pastime — opens up a direct route to disappointment and discouragement (if not to disaster). There is a bottom line here, guys: move it or lose it. In other words, you're risking everything when you decide that there's nothing you need to do right now. The first chapter of your 'Boomer's Survival Guide' should be entitled: "Don't Just Sit There, Do Something!"

Believe it or not, your job and your career are on the line. If you work for someone else, I sincerely hope you realize two Great Truths that ought to be carved in stone: 1) that there's no such thing as job security anymore and 2) that 'retirement' is a a quaint but obsolete concept. If you're in business for yourself, an entrepreneur, you have to be aware that you're in fierce competition with every other entrepreneur in the world for an ever-shrinking supply of dollars. They day of the dilettante entrepreneur has passed. The name of the game today is: work hard, work long hours, and, if you're paying the bills, you're doing great (and if you're not, you have a lot of good company). Do you see the conundrum gathering here, friends? Those of you in the "9-to-5" world are wondering whether you'd be better off right nos taking that 'leap of faith' you've always thought about and 'leave the rat-race' to strike out on your own. Meanwhile, those of you who are in business for yourselves are thinking that your best course may be to pack it up and get a 'RJ' ('Real Job'). When the going gets tough, the tough start playing 'musical chairs.'

Meanwhile, how are things going at home? Should we sense trouble in paradise? Chances are, when the fear of economic insecurity hits one or both partners in a relationship, that things tend to get more than a bit stormy. According to research done by The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, here are the primary reasons cited by couples as sources of their marital difficulties often leading to divorce:

• Poor communication
• Financial problems
• A lack of commitment to the marriage
• A dramatic change in priorities
• Infidelity

Did you see what appears as #2? Do you see any relationship between a severely depressed economy and the #4 reason ("A dramatic change in priorities"). Just out of curiosity, you may be interested to hear the secondary causes:

• Failed expectations or unmet needs
• Addictions and substance abuse
• Physical, sexual or emotional abuse
• Lack of conflict resolution skills

Evidently, when your career is on the line and the sources of your financial security are threatening to dry up (or are actually drying up), all of these relationship stress factors are very likely to come into play.

A similar study published these results:

A recent study by the Creighton University Center for Marriage and Family suggests that time, sex and money pose the three biggest obstacles to satisfaction in the lives of newly married couples. The study found that debt brought into marriage, the couples' financial situation, balancing job and family, and frequency of sexual relations were of greatest concern to those ages 29 and under. Those age 30 and over shared with their younger cohorts the concerns of balancing job and family and frequency of sexual relations, but also added as problem areas constant bickering and expectations about household tasks. . . . The other top problematic issues the study showed were, in order, husband's employment; overall financial situation; expectations about household tasks; constant bickering; communication with spouse; parents or in-laws; and time spent together with spouse.

Need I say more? When fears of financial insecurity are in play, all bets are off with regard to your most intimate relationships.

Certainly, that you should be able to rise above these stresses and still maintain your personal health, well-being, and serenity, shouldn't you? That might be true if you're Superman or Wonder Woman, maybe! If you're flesh-and-blood human, however, there's going to be a physical price to pay for the stress you're experiencing. If any of what I've been talking about describes your current condition, I would expect that you were not sleeping enough or well enough, not exercising regularly, eating poorly, and haven't had one of "those talks" with your doctor in a while. What's more, if you have any addictive tendencies, they should be kicking into high gear about now: anything to make the (emotional) pain stop!

A lot of pain awaits you at times like these, especially if you've made the decision not to decide to do anything about what's causing it. Inertia (if you keep on doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting) exacts a terrible price in times of high stress and anxiety. What's it costing you to do nothing?

If the first chapter of the 'Boomer's Survival Guide' is, indeed, entitled "Don't Just Sit There: Do Something!" the first question I'd expect you to ask would be, "What should I do?" I'm going to answer that question with a challenge. Perhaps you believe that you should naturally know, by virtue of being an adult human being, or by virtue of being a male (or female, for that matter) exactly what you should do. I want to challenge that assumption. I want to challenge you to go out there and start doing some research. Start asking questions of people whom you consider wise and successful. Start letting people whom you trust know how you feel, what your worries and concerns are honestly — no B.S., no cover-up, no bravado or machismo — just plain, simple, honest humility. That (and that alone) gives you a doorway into a life that's honestly yours, that you can take responsibility for and that you can honestly be proud of.

So, that's where the 'Boomer's Survival Guide should begin: networking with wise people and establishing a plan. Think about it. Whom do you really trust (who shows you the kinds of results that you'd like to have in your own life)? Reach out. Get vulnerable. Don't worry about what other people might say. Don't worry about how it looks or how it feels: letting a midlife crisis take you down would feel a whole lot worse. There's my challenge. Are you up to it?

H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC

Copyright © 2009 H. Les Brown

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Covey's point (which I pass on to you) is: how many of these issues can you or should you directly influence? Let's say, for example, that you're very concerned with the rise of international terrorism.  How can you, as an individual, influence global politics to such an extent that you're going to have a personal impact on the future of this issue? Unless you've committed yourself to a career in international politics, the chances are that this concern of yours, critically important though it may be, will not fall within your circle of influence. Fundamentally, outside of being well-informed on these issues that concern you, your time would be much better spent focusing on the issues that lie directly within your Circle of Influence. It's like that old saying, "Everybody's talking about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it:" Circle of Influence vs. Circle of Concern.

When it comes to Midlife Issues, your circle of influence actually proves to be much wider than you've been led to believe. "I can't do anything about getting older," you may say. True: you can't do much about the fact that you're aging (and have been doing this since the day you were conceived). On the other hand, how you go about the process of aging lies almost completely in your power. It's a 'cop out' to see yourself as a 'victim' of downsizing, or a 'victim' of a deteriorating relationship, or a 'victim' of accident or disease. You have a role to play in each of these scenarios, if you but have the courage to play it.

These are, in fact, the three areas where the midlife transition hits the hardest, and they're the three areas that are the most vulnerable to attack from outside. Can you stop your boss from laying you off? Almost assuredly not . . . as so many people these days are finding out. If your spouse or life partner is determined to get out, can you change his or her mind? If it's already gone that far, chances are very slim that you could have any real impact. Can you prevent your health from deteriorating? Only to a degree. Accidents happen (even to careful people), disease is no respecter of persons, and, even though you can do your best to keep yourself strong and healthy as long as possible, age does take a toll on you physically. You can't change these things. You're powerless over other persons, places, and things. What you can change is yourself.

There are no real tragedies in life (except, perhaps, a person who gives up on him- or herself along the way). There are only events or happenings. Each one is little more than an invitation to grow. Some of these events are exciting and uplifting; others are painful and burdensome. Yet, all of these events have one thing in common, they're going to challenge you in ways that you may never have been challenged before. If you have the courage to meet each of those challenges as they come — no matter how devastating they may appear to you to be — you will emerge from the encounter a stronger and more self-reliant person. One caveat here, though: 'self-reliant' is a sort of misnomer because you can only become truly self-reliant by becoming entirely other-reliant — reliant on your Higher Power, however you may define that for yourself.

When you're faced with something that comes at you from your circle of concern, but that isn't within your circle of influence, you meet that challenge by changing something that is in your control. When you figure out what that is and respond accordingly, you will have learned a valuable lesson. The lessons of childhood, adolescence and adulthood are hard enough, but they mainly concern themselves with the outside world. The lessons of midlife and maturity are different: they concern themselves with the inner you. They deal with self-esteem, values, purpose, meaning, direction, and your unique destiny in this world. These are the real lessons: the ones that really count.

So, next time you're faced with unavoidable, seemingly insurmountable challenges, what can you do? First, of course, you need to take stock of yourself and formulate a plan of action. Then, rather than licking your wounds and lamenting about 'why did this have to happen to me?' you can ask yourself one simple but profound question: 'What is my lesson in all this?' Nothing is wasted, nothing is for naught, so long as you can tell yourself honestly that you learned something from the experience. If you haven't learned a lifetime's worth by the time you're through the midlife transition, you just haven't done it right!

Here's your opportunity to learn. This month, I'm offering three teleseminars on these critical areas of midlife: your relationship, your career, your health and well-being. We'll be covering relationships on November 12, career and finances on November 19, and health and well-being on November 26. Spaces at this teleseminar series have been selling for $297 for several weeks. Starting today, I've reduced the price by $100 to $197 for the series, including a personal one-on-one coaching session with me. OR, if only one of these areas is currently in your Circle of Concern, I'm offering each 1-hour teleseminar separately for $75 each. Click here for more information and to register for this series.

H. Les Brown, MA, FCC

Copyright © 2008 H. Les Brown

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