However, that being said, there are two factors that need to be taken into consideration (and often aren’t). First, many apparently ‘random’ calamities aren’t perfectly ‘random’: in other words, people very often share (but deny) responsibility for their ‘bad luck’ by the exercise of poor judgment and/or lack of planning and due diligence. In taking a step back from any such event, it always pays to begin the analysis process by asking the question “What could I have done differently that might have avoided these consequences?” It’s always easier to place blame outside of one’s self than to take responsibility for poor choices or poor planning. I’m not talking blame here, just spiritually mature self-examination (the necessary prerequisite for learning and growth).

The second factor that needs to be taken into consideration is how I choose to view myself in the context of calamity. To see one’s self as a victim does nothing at all to address the situation. From what I have learned about Holocaust survivors, those that lived were very often those who refused to allow the situation to crush their spirits. I use the term “allow” advisedly: regardless of how powerless a person is faced with overwhelming odds, no one is powerless to choose his or her response. Those who see themselves as victims of circumstance choose to do so. Survivors refuse to do so.

All of life consists of constant lessons, constant opportunities for growth. At every juncture, each one of us has the inalienable right to choose how to respond to that opportunity. The survival of the spirit does not depend on the survival of the body. Freedom of spirit does not depend on freedom of the body. Greek philosopher Epictetus chose to accept his slavery to the Romans as a fact of his existence within which he was forced to live his intellectual life. Many LGBT people, facing the discrimination that comes from so many social institutions, find their inner freedom (and serenity) in accepting their orientation as a fact of life. Those who do not so choose generally become tortured souls.

In sum, spiritually, we are never truly ‘victims’ unless we choose to be so, regardless of external situations. That was the point of my article.

- Les

For example, many people look at the pain that they experience in life and interpret that pain to be ‘bad,’ an ‘undeserved punishment,’ and, therefore that they have been victimized. Nothing will change the facts of their experience. Yet, once they come to understand that pain is value-neutral and not ‘bad’ at all, they can begin to see their way out of the victim trap. They can begin to realize that pain is a necessary condition of all growth, and start to focus on doing the growing instead of complaining about how hard it is.

It’s all a matter of questioning our beliefs and assumptions, keeping the ones that serve us well, and discovering new approaches to the ones that keep us held back. Does that help?