Remember that biblical phrase, “Don’t kick against the goads?” Did you ever wonder what it meant? ‘Goads’ are actually low-tech cattle prods used to herd animals in a desired direction. Should the animal kick back against the goads, it would only hurt itself. The urgings of the Spirit that goad us forward toward the fulfillment of our destiny are not irresistible: the capacity that we all enjoy to refuse to cooperate with whatever may be in our own best interests is what gives our cooperation its value. An amoeba can’t refuse its destiny; that’s an option that only we humans are gifted with. We have the capacity to kick against the goads and to say ‘No’ to whatever purpose our lives might otherwise have had.
The seismic shift that each of us experiences in the course of the midlife transition has varied and far-reaching consequences. Like the goads of the ancients, that transition urges us forward into paths that we may be very reluctant to embark upon. After all, don’t we spend the first half of our lives striving for independence and autonomy? The changes that come over us at midlife seem to be focused on our physical nature. For the second time in our lives, — for men and women both — our hormones seem to be taking over. Yet the physical aspects of midlife, although fundamental, do not define the ground where most of our personal transformation is taking place. When the goads of midlife are applied, what we experience can only be described as a ‘soul-quake’ of enormous proportions. It’s a 9 on our emotional Richter scale.
At some point in our personal evolution, we either change our minds about our relationship to life in this world, or we risk causing great harm to ourselves and to those we profess to love. We kick against the goads at our own peril, yet we do that whenever we refuse to accept life on life’s terms (and the radical changes that entails) and refuse to trust the process and the One who drives it forward. That’s one reason why I feel called to confront political and religious conservatism. People want to believe that the truth (‘Truth’?) is ‘out there’ and changeless. Yet ‘truth’ necessarily involves both a knower and whatever is known. To suggest that the ‘truth’ is eternal is only to suggest that knower him- or herself also cannot change.
The truth of what we know and experience derives from our dialog with what is. As we change, our ‘truth’ must change, too. To try to resist that change and to cling to old ways of seeing and understanding our world can only be described as ‘kicking against the goads.’ We spend the first half of our lives learning to hang on, and the second half of life learning to let go. Hanging on to old ways of seeing, thinking, and believing in the face of life’s invitation to change can only lead to frustration and pain. That’s the insight behind what Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong wrote about in his book, Why Christianity Must Change or Die: A Bishop Speaks to Believers in Exile. Using outmoded human paradigms to explore the wildness of God’s relationship to humankind can only lead us to an impotent caricature of faith. Tradition can give nothing to a people who cannot comprehend it.
It’s been a tense week here. My 88 year old mother-in-law has been very sick, and we thought for a time that we were going to lose her. After some relatively minor surgery (there’s nothing minor about surgery at 88), her doctor prepared us for the worst, based on her experience. Just as she was being released from the hospital yesterday, the tests results came back negative. Living life on life’s terms meant knowing that we would have to cope with the results, regardless of whether or not the news was going to be good. We had to let go of our own expectations and our own hopes, and live simply in acceptance and trust: not necessarily an easy thing to do, regardless of the outcome.
That’s the lesson that comes with maturity: ultimately, we’re not in control. Living life on life’s terms means living in an attitude of acceptance with the realization that “all things work together for the good.” Whether we’re looking back at the so-called tragedies of our lives, or looking forward toward the obstacles that still seem too daunting to overcome, it’s ultimately our spiritual connection with our Higher Power that will allow us to see everything in its true perspective. I’ll repeat once again that perfect prayer from Dag Hammarskjöld: “For all that has been, thanks; for all that will be, yes!”
H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2010 H. Les Brown
Tags: acceptance, change, diversity, maturity, surrender, tradition, trust