Some people think that heroics are best left to the young. After all, haven't we heard — haven't we said — "I'm too old for that"? Yet, in fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. Youth may be the time for idealism, but maturity is the time when standing up for your values really means something. I remember when we were kids, we used to play "Bang, bang! You're dead!" And, after a short while, we'd come running over to our 'victim,' pat the 'hurt' place and say "Fix, fix! You're all better!" At midlife, we get to see all too clearly what "You're dead!" really means, and how seldom "You're all better!" really works. The deeper we pass through the midlife transition, the more conscious we become of the cost of standing up for what we believe in.
Am I saying that younger people are unaware of the cost of heroism? No. It's just that, on one hand, we have learned to become skeptical of the ROI for our commitment — we've lost faith in the 'quick fix' — and on the other hand, we come to realize that there are many false values that aren't at all worth fighting for. It takes a certain length of experience and a lot of missteps before we can discern what's worth standing up for from what's not with any clarity at all.
My reflections today are inspired by my guest this week on my internet radio program, Midlife Matters. He's Eric Proffitt, a singer and song-writer who's married and the father of five daughters. He's also just completed a 500-mile run in heavy chains from the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC to the tomb of anti-slavery activist William Wilberforce in London, England to draw attention to and raise money to counteract worldwide child sex slavery. Eric has truly put it all on the line, not only for his own values, but for the sake of others who have no voice or power. And, I believe, therein lies the hallmark of mature values worth living and dieing for.
There's no merit in merely standing up for a cause, in sacrificing and even putting your life on the line for something, when the values that underlie that cause are ultimately self-serving. In fact, the history of the world overflows with instances of people putting everything on the line for ignoble causes. Face it: standing up for something is no virtue. 'Standing up' for something simply means that your cause faces resistance. That doesn't mean that your cause is worthwhile or that the resistance you face is unjust. 'Standing up' for something simply means two things: 1) you've committed yourself to create change (and change always provokes resistance) and 2) there are people who disagree with you. There's no honor, no virtue, no benefit in simply 'putting it all on the line' unless your cause brings benefit — true value — to humankind. That, my friends, takes experience, hardship, patience, and humility to achieve.
These days, our world seems to be positively overrun with activists. From individuals like Eric to mass marches, from strident voices shouting on television and in local gatherings to suicide bombers. The hallmark of worhty causes seems very often the volume of violence that they generate. Yet, when we look more closely at them, what we're very often seeing is self-interest run riot. It seems to be an 'us' against 'them' clamor that's all about proving how right we are and how wrong they are and how we're going to win by terrorizing and, wherever possible, overwhelming them. Make no mistake: standing up for your values always implies conflict. It always implies a clash of values where someone's (supposed) 'rights' have to take second place to others'. In Eric's case, the right of children to freedom and self-determination does, indeed, conflict with the 'right' that some adults have of using them as their sexual toys. In every such conflict, somebody's 'rights' are going to get curtailed.
How, then, can a mature person stand up for his or her rights? Let's look at some historical precedents in recent history. What do people like Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Theresa of Calcutta, and Nelson Mandela all have in common? They are all recognized as people who 'put it on the line', who stood up, and suffered for a cause. What sets them apart and makes us look up to them as heroes from others who have given their all for their causes (and whom we look upon as villains or worse)? There are two characteristics that are the mark of maturity. The first is, as Gandhi described it, "non-violent non-cooperation." They all recognized that violence and force only beget more violence and force. Violence and force fully engage systems theory, which states that a system will reisist with equal force whatever force of change is applied to it, in order that the net change remains zero. Effective change only comes through the humility to change oneself. It's the lesson of the Japanese martial art, Akido, which teaches that overpowering one's opponent requires that you absorb and deflect the energy used against you. The message is very old (and very seldom learned): it's the message of Jesus on the cross.
The second characteristic that sets all these people (and countless others like them) apart from the raging mob is that they fought for the rights of powerless. They weren't fighting (and fight they did!) for their own civil, economic, or even human rights. In fact, almost all of our most revered heroes already enjoyed most of the rights that they were fighting for. They recognized that there were others who did not enjoy the same rights and privileges and who had neither power or voice. It was they — the most powerless and the poorest of the poor — for whom they fought, simply because those others had no one else to speak for them, no one else to advocate for them, no one else to stand up for them. They weren't fighting to preserve anything that they already had, nor to better their own situation. They were men and women who were ready to give up everything that they had so that others who had nothing (in terms of rights and dignity) could have something.
There is a clear distinction that we can draw in both motives and methods between youthful or adult activism and the kind of activism that we can recognize as the hallmark of maturity. Those heros of humanity like those I've mentioned stand out particularly because their maturity came to them early. In many cases, it was a life-long commitment that began very early and seldom wavered. We can use the example of these men and women and the Eric Proffitts of the world to help us judge the activism that we see around us, as well as to gauge the virtue of our own courageous stands. Are our goals truly humanitarian? Are our means effective (i.e.: non-violent)? These are two simple touchstones that mark the mature woman and man of courage and conviction. When you or I are prepared to stand up and be counted and to put it all on the line for a cuase, how do we measure up?
H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2009 H. Les Brown
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Tags: conviction, courage, heart, humanity, humility, mastery, midlife, nonviolence
September 20th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Les,
I was very touched by your article. You speak from a very reasoned the knowing place. Thank you for sharing this on this day. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Monique