It really doesn't matter at all how old you are. You can protest all you want about how you're not 'Middle Aged' yet. I don't care what generation you're a part of or not a part of. If you're an adult (at least physically or chronologically) and you're not paying attention to what's coming at you, there's a crisis out there with your name on. Count on it!
If you're one of those no-nonsense people who's hard-working and minding your own business, doing everything you're supposed to be doing right now, chances are you're laying the foundation for a doozie. When you wake up one day with your career in a shambles, your family shattered and your health a wreck, at least you'll be able to say, "I worked for it, I owe it to myself, and nobody is going to deprive me of it."
Remember how, in Dickens' Christmas Carol, Jacob Marley showed old Scrooge the links in the chain that he carried that so weighed him down? He told his old business partner how he had forged each link by his own hand, one at a time. And you? What kind of a chain are you forging. On one of the sites where I publish my articles, a critic complained that my thoughts were meaningless double-talk and unrelated to real-world issues like getting yourself hired. I have to admit that he's right: it is meaningless double-talk until you come face to face with your own personal, individual crisis; then you find yourself at a loss as where you are, how you got there, and how in God's name you'll ever get out.
Do I sound a bit irritated? I am. I was just talking with a fellow on a major business network who told me, "The kind of information you're offering is the kind of important information that people need the most. Unfortunately, they're just not interested in it." He's right. People want down-to-earth, meat-and-potatoes, take-it-to-the-bank sorts of information. They want to know 'how to': how to prep for the job interview, how to get their spouses to do what they want them to do, how to do more of what they want to do in less time with fewer bad side effects. Yup! We got a pill for that!
God forbid that we should ask whether that job's right for you. How many years are you going to burn up doing something you hate that leads you nowhere? And, while you're at it, that family that 'you've gotta support' with that soul-killing job cops an attitude a mile wide because you've basically abandoned them, becoming emotionally unavailable. Of course, they're the bad guys in all this because, after all, they're not even grateful to you for breaking your back in a job you hate just 'for them'? And speaking of that back of yours, how well are you handling the extra weight?
Think about it: who's responsible for the mess you're in right now? (Don't tell me it's not a mess . . . I know better!) Maybe you should sit right down and write out a list of all the people who have treated you unfairly and who got you (and keep you) in your current state. Don't forget the government and those criminals on Wall Street. Once you've completed your list (how long is it?), you might want to go back and dream up some fitting punishments for each one of them. What would you like to do to them? When you're all done, here's what I suggest: that you tear up your list and get rid of it. It's crap. There's only one name that should be on that list and that's your own. You're not a victim, you never were, and all the drama in the world that you could create around the people you blame for your own decisions isn't going to deflect that responsibility one bit from where it belongs: on you.
If nothing changes, man, nothing changes! If you've let yourself get caught in a forest of problems and you never make the effort to climb a tree to see where you are, is it any wonder you find yourself going around in circles? You're stuck in a game of your own invention! You don't need more schemes and tactics to get you more of what you already have. What you need are new strategies that can provide you not only with a way out, but with a plan. Build your crisis brick by brick and decision by decision for as long as you want. But when you're finally sick and tired of being sick and tired, come talk to me.
H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2009 H. Les Brown
Technorati Tags:
midlife, mastery, crisis, responsibility, blame, drama, victim
Tags: blame, crisis, drama, mastery, midlife, responsibility, victim
April 10th, 2009 at 9:15 am
So glad you turned up in my Google alerts. How unexpected to find a man writing intelligently about mid-life issues.
Okay, I apologize, that’s gender bias and bordering on man bashing but most of the men in my acquaintance confuse midlife with menopause and dismiss the subject as (ew) another one of those “woman things”.
I look forward to more insights from the male side of midlife.
JudithAnn
aka the MAD Goddess